Stress Makes You Social

Stress and anxiety are not the same thing yet did you know that both can actually make you social?

Carly Simon has a long and public history with anxiety. one of her on stage experiences came to mind recently while I was preparing to lead a corporate group coaching workshop on leveraging stress for personal and team resilience for Google. She literally stopped the show.

 ''I had two choices,'' Simon would later tell The New York Times. ''I could either leave the stage and say I was sick or tell the audience the truth. I decided to tell them I was having an anxiety attack, and they were incredibly supportive.”

 We often hear about the stress response “Fight or Flight” yet we rarely hear about “Tend and Befriend” which is a lesser known stress response and my favorite of them all.

 By definition Tend and befriend is an empowered social stress response which releases oxytocin and progesterone which both have antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties unlike fight or flight which release adrenaline and cortisol having an inflammatory response in the body. The Tend and Befriend response causes changes in the brain that inhibit fear and helps increase empathy, courage and care.

 I have come to embrace the scientifically categorized stress responses and even their physiology for each has something to offer, a racing heart, a shift in body temperature, all information to be aware of as ironic as this may sound or as uncomfortable as that physiology may be. Her choice to be vulnerable, to be honest, to be in the moment enabled an entire crowd to participate in a stress response that fosters empathy and social connection. These are real opportunities for connection, compassion, empathy and even transformation. 

 Here is a question for your consideration, grab a pen and paper and jot down your answers or take a moment to pause and reflect:

• What habitually happens to you when you feel stressed?

• What are the qualities of your thoughts, how does your body feel, what habits do you fall into?

• How can reflecting on these feeling and experience provide valuable insight for you?

 t's important to note that stress and anxiety can coexist, and chronic stress can contribute to the development of anxiety. If you are experiencing persistent stress or anxiety that significantly impacts your daily life, seek support from a coach (me) or healthcare professional.

Here is to the social side of stress and to your well within.